


Brave and Beautiful

by ImNotObsessed17



Category: Batman (Movies - Nolan)
Genre: Funny, Glasses, Hilarious, Humor, Other
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-01
Updated: 2017-01-01
Packaged: 2018-09-13 20:27:00
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,678
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9140968
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ImNotObsessed17/pseuds/ImNotObsessed17
Summary: There is something wrong with the joker's eyes but he just won't admit to it because he is many things, but not a nerd.Batman tries to put an end to the Joker's schemes, but could it be that he also needs glasses of his own? Unlikely bonding over stupid shit ensues.





	

**Author's Note:**

> Please comment what you like about this fic if you enjoy it! I live on compliments.

It was a dark stormy night as the joker marched into his lair and his mood was matching. His purple coat was soaked and his makeup was running freely down his face by now. He shook his head violently in a vain attempt to get his tangled mess of a hair out of his eyes and threw the heavy bag full of explosives and gasoline on a nearby table absent minded. He walked into the abandoned house feeling content with the chaotic mess of the place and strutted towards the round table at which his henchmen were sitting, holding cards and drinking whiskey with various guns splayed across the table as well. 

The news were on and he noticed that the mindless brutes he hired seemed more nervous than usual around him. The joker leaned down in a threatening geasture and asked ...Kyle? or Tyler maybe he couldn‘t put a finger on it, „Anything worthwhile on the news this fine evening? Anything about the Police station that I just blew to smithereens ehehe he...“ He stated proudly and waited for the response. The men across the table tensed up visibly and averted their eyes in an anxious manner. „Uh...about that boss...uhm“ One of the goons murmured in a miserable low whisper and now the joker knew something was up. „What is it? Say it!“ He hissed between clenched teeth and the man cowered in his seat. The man finally gained the courage to speak up and said „About the building you just blew up...“ The joker smirked proudly and stood up to his full height. „Yes? The police station, Batman sure will get mad about this one ehe hehehe! He‘ll be so furious he will probably go ape shit on me and then go cry in a corner somewhere...in an angry manner of course...“ Joker chuckled as he thought of the look on the bat‘s face as he found out about his antics this time. He would be livid. 

The henchman started again with a murmur. „Yeah about that...you see that wasn‘t a police station you blew up...but a... „What!? What are you trying to say you idiot“ The joker said furiously. „That wasn‘t a police station you just b..blew up...but actually Hot Topic...“ The joker couldn‘t believe it. „WHAT?! Noooo!“He screamed outraged. How could he have made such a terrible mistake. That was his favorite store and there was no other like it. „You can‘t be serious, I love that place! It‘s the best...“ He whined miserably and held his head in his hands. „How could I have made such a awful, awful mistake?“ His goons gave each other meaningful looks and then got on to the next issue. „There‘s actually another thing we‘ve been meaning to tell you about...the money from the heist the other day, It‘s not real money.“ Now that got the clown‘s attention. „What you mean like fake bills?“ The poor man trying to explain seemed to be having an internal conflict with himself as manned up and spoke finally. „No it‘s more like...uhm actually...not cash but coupons. Lot‘s and lot‘s of coupons. You have been giving out piles of coupons to people for weeks.“ 

The joker‘s jaw dropped and he shook his head enraged. He was shaking with anger and pent up fury by now. „That‘s impossible, just how desperate for a knife in your throat are you exactly?“ The man hiding his face in cards gulped and continued. „We have been trying to tell you, there‘s something..maybe wrong with your eyes. You keep messing up and not even realizing it. Like the other day you put your suit on backwards and had your makeup done all wrong. You showed up with your face covered in chocolate sauce. At first we thought you had gone even more mad. We think you may need uhm glasses.“ The man speaking reached with shaky hands into his pocket and pulled out huge black rimmed glasses. The joker growled angrily as he layed his eyes on the spectacles. „There‘s absolutely nothing wrong with my eyes you fools. You got it all wrong. In fact I MEANT to blow up Hot Topic...I bought these cool leather boots over there that just fell apart at the worst possible moment. Made me look like a fool in front of the cops when I was playing with fire at the hospital that one time. I can‘t be seen looking like some fucking nerd! That would ruin my carefully crafted image“ The men just nodded absent mindedly and as the joker was about to go on another rant about his evil schemes the door burst open with a loud smack. „Joker, how dare you blow up Hot Topic, now where am I supposed to shop for bat related items?!“ Batman roared as he practically flew into the filthy room. 

The joker peered his eyes in the mysterious figure‘s direction with a hand to his forehead. „Who are you?“ He asked perplexed. „It‘s Batman boss!“ the henchmen cried. The joker reached for the glasses with great dread and put them on irritated. Batman immediately shouted at him „hah, fucking nerd“ The clown screamed embarrassed as he threw the glasses off his face, grabbed a knife off the table and threw himself at the vigilante. He stabbed the bigger man with the knife but nothing happened. He tried again but as nothing happened he realised that the knife was in fact a plastic spoon. „Should have worn those geeky glasses you circus freak.“ Batman was quick as lightening as he picked up a batarang and threw it straight in a henchman‘s eye who was about to pull a gun on him. „I don‘t kill...but I maim.“ He growled. „What the flying fuck bats!? Joker screamed as the injured man‘s blood spurted on his face. „What is it? And why aren‘t you on the ground crying like a little bitch right now clown?“ Batman asked while flipping his hair which was covered by his cowl.

„What, that‘s not me you idiot, that‘s fucking Kyle. What happened to your one rule? You just killed Kyle you psychopath“ Batman started gloating immediately. „You changed your name? Ah ha! Now I know your real name you stupid clown and I can use it against you and your injured eye“ Joker rolled his eyes and hissed out „no, I mean you just killed my hired help who‘s name happens to be Kyle.“ Batman had a small mirror on his wrist watch in which he was deeply interested at the moment. „It was his own fault, he should have been wearing a helmet.“ He said disinterested. The joker yelled at his still remaining goons to attack and soon all hell broke loose. The joker dove away from the bat swiftly to collect a deadly weapon and another man came running towards Batman with a rusty crowbar. The dark knight pressed a button on some kind of device of his and in a moment the henchman was consumed by flames thrashing violently on the ground. „Jesus!“ the Joker yelled as fire eluminated the entire room. „You killed another.“ He accused the overgrown bat. „It was his own fault. He should have been wearing a fire resistant suit.“ Batman stated with a shrug. He looked at the remaining guy that was standing still, staring at him in pure horror. „I see no bullet proof west.“ He said as he pulled up an assault rifle and and fired erratically all over the room with closed eyes. The henchman ran terrified out the door screaming as bullets flew all around him but he got away unharmed.

„You really are blind as a bat you maniac, and that‘s a lot coming from someone like me...“ Joker said while hiding behind an office chair. He was not coming out while that guy was holding that rifle. Batman could feel his eyes swell up with tears. The joker knew about his secret, someone had told him. Probably Alfred, that cheeky british bastard. Alfred had always been jelous of him and his fabulous hair. Batman threw the gun in a tantrum at the wall. The gun fired a bullet when it landed on the wall, straight at the chair the joker was hiding behind. „fuck“ he hissed and held the chair firmly in front of him for protection. The joker finally peeked over the chair and saw Batman flailing his hands dramatically all over the place while crying hysterically. „What is it, Bats?“ He asked curious and walked over to the other man.

„It‘s true.“ he cried while hiding his face behind his hands. „I‘m just a big nerd who needs glasses too.“ The joker wasn‘t quite catching that. „I don‘t quite follow your logic and...“ Batman whined and stomped his feet. „I can‘t see well, I‘m practically blind and I just bullshit my way through life, not knowing what the hell is happening around me half the time boohoo hoo.“ The joker finally understood why the vigilante was always so moody and beating people up for a living dressed as a giant rodent. He had the exact same problem as himself. They both needed glasses and it was time to accept that fact. The joker walked over to the glasses on the floor, and found them after mere minutes of crawling around searching. With a sigh he put them on and walked over to the dead man on the floor and found another pair of glasses. He then proceeded to walk to the weeping figure on the other side of the room and handed him the glasses. Batman refused at first, not wanting to look like a giant loser, but in the end he found the courage to put them on thanks to the joker cheering him on. When Batman finally could see again he looked at the joker and said in a melancholic tone. „Glasses are the tools of the brave and beautiful.“ And then they walked out into the sunset.


End file.
